Are we colonizers because we want to buy property abroad?

You know the formula of the “Moving to Southeast Asia” videos by heart. The camera pans over a gorgeous, sun-drenched high-rise in Da Nang or Bangkok. The creator smiles, breaking down the numbers: “My rent is $450 a month, the food is incredible, and I only work twenty hours a week. Look at this lifestyle!” They aren’t lying about the numbers. The cost of living is low, the noodles are world-class, and the freedom is intoxicating. But there is a specific, quiet flavor of loneliness that happens between the content-worthy moments. It’s a reality that doesn’t make the edit because it’s impossible to capture in a thumbnail. It’s the death of the mundane, 2:00 PM phone call. The West Houston Quota Think back to your old life. Imagine you’re working your corporate job back in West Houston. It’s 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, right around the mid-afternoon slump. You’re on your lunch break, glancing at a local news broadcast playing on the breakroom TV, or scrolling through a hyper-local neighborhood thread. Something ridiculous pops up—maybe a story about that notoriously eccentric, bright red-haired regular who always causes a scene down at the local Casa Blanca hangout. Without thinking, you pick up your phone and dial your best friend back home. You spend ten minutes laughing, trading inside jokes, and dissecting absolute minutiae. You hang up, your chest feels lighter, and your emotional quotient is completely filled for the day. You needed that laugh to get through the spreadsheet waiting on your desk. It was effortless, rooted in decades of shared context, and it kept you grounded. Now, fast forward to your new life in paradise. The 11-Hour Wall You’re sitting in your beautiful, affordable apartment in Southeast Asia. It’s 2:00 PM. You turn on the television, but the local shows are entirely in a language you’re still trying to grasp, accompanied by strange, stilted English subtitles flashing across the bottom of the screen. The local news anchor is covering a neighborhood festival or a provincial political story. It doesn’t feel familiar. There is no cultural hook for you, and more importantly, it’s nothing your bestie back home will ever connect with. You look at your phone. You want that laugh. You need that quick emotional reset. But you can’t call. Because while it is 2:00 PM for you, it is 3:00 AM back home in Atlanta or Houston. They are asleep. If you wake them up for a silly, mundane joke, you’re being a bad friend. So you put the phone down. And over months of this exact scenario playing out, a harsh realization sets in: by choosing to move across the ocean to “live your dream,” you have fundamentally disrupted the day-to-day rhythm of your closest relationships. Your best friend can’t wait half a day for a casual laugh. Eventually, they have to find someone else in their own timezone to fill that emotional quota. And so do you. The Expat Echo Chamber You might think, “Well, I’ll just build a new circle here.” And you do meet people. There are plenty of other expats floating through the digital nomad hubs, sitting in the same trendy cafes. You can grab a number and grab a coffee. But those relationships rarely have roots. When you sit down with them, the conversations are rarely about the silly, comforting minutiae of life. They don’t know who the red-haired guy from Casa Blanca is. Instead, the dialogue is transactional, shallow, and exhausting. All they want to talk about is visa runs, how cheap the rent is, or their next content idea for their channel. You traded deep, effortless, lifetime connections for a community of colleagues who are all trying to sell their own version of paradise. What Were You Actually Running From? This is where the existential vertigo hits. You have to look in the mirror and ask yourself the hard question: Was your dream actually to move to the other side of the planet with zero historical connection to a single soul? Or was your dream simply to not have to work so hard to survive? Often, the move abroad isn’t a deep romance with a foreign land; it’s a desperate flight from the American grind. But in escaping the system, you accidentally traded away your emotional infrastructure. Now, you find yourself working harder than ever just to keep yourself sane. There are no more easy, mindless conversations about nothing. There is no one to instantly catch your drift. Instead, the camera turns off, the video is uploaded, and you are left alone in the quiet of your luxury condo—just you, your thoughts, a bowl of rice and noodles tossed in beautifully flavored sauces, and the heavy realization of how wonderful everything appears to be to everyone watching from home. This article is also published as a forum topic here »